Although we’re still over a year away from the 2016 presidential election, it feels like we should all be heading to the polls next week. So, with presidential election fever in full swing we thought it would be a fun change of pace to focus this week’s post on imagining what each candidate would be like on a project team. Without further ado, let’s take a look!
Note: to save on length, we eliminated a selection of the lowest polling candidates from both parties.
Jeb Bush. He was close to the previous project sponsor who was fired for ineptitude. No one really seems to know much about his approach. He’s clearly got experience, but everyone is a bit wary because of his association with the aforementioned previous project sponsor.
Ben Carson. He’s the guy who’s never worked as a PM before. Claims to have ample unrelated experience that uniquely qualifies him for the position. Doesn’t know the difference between Agile and Waterfall.
Chris Christie. He’s the completely inflexible project manager who will. Not. Change. His. Mind. On. Anything. No matter how much supporting documentation you provide that he’s heading down the wrong path, he will not change his mind. It’s best to not even voice an alternate opinion, as he’s also got a temper. Favorite TV show is The Sopranos.
Hilary Clinton. Drastically changes the scope of the project without communicating the changes. Claims that all changes were thoroughly communicated. Won’t let anyone see copies of the communications.
Ted Cruz. Completely committed to the ideals of Waterfall and will not accommodate any other project management styles. Fires anyone on the team who doesn’t express their undying love of Waterfall. Ronald Reagan is his screensaver.
Carly Fiorina. Wants everyone to know just how much business experience she has. Tells everyone how overqualified for this position she is as every, single project she has ever managed has been a massive success. Even if budgets had to be cut and teams had to be down-sized. It was still a massive, unparalleled success!
Jim Gilmore. Claims to be too busy to actually help manage the project. Spends most of the day hiding in his office, and never participates in a team happy hour. Biggest introvert you’ll ever meet.
Mike Huckabee. Believes women shouldn’t be involved on the project. If they must be included, insists they wear skirts.
Bobby Jindal. This guy. Got drunk at holiday party a few years ago and has never quite recovered from the embarrassing antics that occurred. Everyone claims to have forgotten, but let’s be real, we all remember.
John Kasich. Whatever is in his head is coming out of his mouth. Anyone on a project with him will get berated at some point, probably for a minor mistake. Prickly is the word most commonly used to describe him. Oh, and don’t mention Fargo.
Martin O’Malley. Plays in a Celtic rock band, and it is literally the only thing he ever talks about. One time he sent an email blast to the entire project team (including the client), inviting them to come to his next show for a “Gaelic good time.”
Rand Paul. Doesn’t believe in active project management. His motto is, “Let the project manage itself.” Any project he leads never seems to go well because, well, projects don’t manage themselves.
Marco Rubio. Nice guy, but he never seems to stop talking about how he worked ridiculously hard to get where he is today. Every conversation turns into an, “I walked uphill to school both ways in the snow with no shoes,” disquisition. Dude, we get it.
Bernie Sanders. No decisions can be made until he’s gotten consensus from the entire group. Seriously overuses the word collaboration. Completely derails project timelines and budgets because of the overwhelming need to have complete consensus from the team.
Rick Santorum. No one is quite sure how this guy managed to get on a project again. He takes credit for everything and always brags about bringing people together. Really, he just wants things done his way. Ugh, why is this guy even here (insert “He doesn’t even go here” reference)?
Donald Trump. Calls endless meetings where he does nothing but talk about how awesome he is. On Mondays, he goes around to everyone and tells them all about how “I just had the most epic weekend. THE most epic weekend that’s EVER, ever been had. No one has ever had as epic of a weekend as I just had. No one. Not you, not you, definitely not you.” Openly calls the client stupid during status meetings.
Jim Webb. Does anyone remember who this guy is? Oh wait… didn’t he come to that one meeting right when the project first started? Was that him?